The Heart's search
by msashlyjudd8
Summary: Life was good. Ian had finally got help for his bipolar disorder and officially moved in with Mickey. What happens when Ian disappears one day after leaving for his morning run?


Author's Note: This is my first "Shameless" fic, so be gentle. I don't own Shameless or any of these characters.

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Life was good.

Well, Mickey wouldn't actually say good, it was, after all, still the south side of Chicago. But, things were better. Three months after finally relenting to the eldest Gallagher, and practically dragging Ian out of bed to see a doctor, Ian was finally seemingly back to his old self. He got out of bed every morning at the ass crack of dawn for his daily run. The smile, that Mickey didn't think he would ever see again, was back. That shy half smile and big green eyes that always got mickey's heart skipping a beat (not that he would ever tell Ian that) was back.

The three pill bottles that sat next to their bed had brought him back to life. Ian laughed and joked and loved everyone, especially Mickey, just like he always had. The Gallagher brood never really knew what to make of Mickey, but as Ian slowly pulled himself out of the depression and started to smile again, they couldn't help but admit that Mickey wasn't so bad. And so Mickey became part of the family, and by extension, so did Mandy.

After violating his probation that night at the Alibi room, Terry received ten years and was sent back to prison. The Gallagher's threw a big party around the pool after the sentencing came down, And since Ian couldn't drink with his meds, Mickey didn't drink either. Mickey sat back and watched Ian throwing his siblings around the pool. It was amazing and a little breathtaking to see him smile so much. A few times throughout the party, Fiona would catch Mickey's eye and even though his first reaction was to look away, he didn't. They were a team. They both loved Ian, in different ways, but they loved him just the same. Mickey was still getting used to having a loving and united family.

The day after the party, Ian officially moved into the Milkovich house. He slept in Mickey's bed every night anyway, and now that Terry was gone, nothing was stopping them from being together. And so Svetlana moved into Terry's old room and, with the help of Kev's truck, they packed up Ian's old room and moved his stuff into Mickey's room.

Things were actually running smoothly for once. Ian got his job back at the Kash and Grab.

_Ian walked into the Kash and grab expecting to beg and plead with Linda for his old job back. She took one look at him, from her perch behind the counter, cocked her head to the side and glared at the redhead for a full two minutes, "You actually gonna work this time, or just fuck Mickey in the freezer when you think I'm not watching through the cameras?" Ian blushed and smiled and reassured Linda, that he would NOT be fucking Mickey in the freezer. It was a lie, but she didn't have to know that. "Fine," she barked, and then stood up and grabbed her purse. "You start now, I have to take the kids to the mosque, and than boy-scouts. Stock the freezer and mop the floors before you leave." She handed Ian a ring of keys and turned for the door. "Oh, and Ian?" She turned back to the redhead, "I have a new employee due to start in half an hour, tell him he's fired." And, before Ian could say anything, she was gone._

Mickey and Svetlana continued to work at the Rub and Tug. The three of them took turns watching the baby during the week, settling into a routine. Ian had the baby most mornings, before either Mickey or Svetlana came home in the afternoon so that Ian could then go to work. Occasionally Mandy would volunteer to watch the baby, so that Ian could hang out at the bar with Mickey. Things were as normal as they could be in the South side of Chicago.

Normal didn't mean that they didn't have bad days. Ian still had days that he didn't want to get out of bed. The medications weren't a cure. Being bipolar was something that they would deal with every single day. And so on the bad days, Mickey stayed home with Ian. Those days weren't as bad as fully crashing like he did before. Ian just didn't feel like being around anyone. He felt exhausted and run down, and he just wanted to sleep. It was scarey for everyone, but they learned not to panic. Everyone had bad days right? Ian's bad days were just a little worse then most.

And so life moved on. The good days and bad days soon turned into a year.

Life was good.

Until it wasn't.

Mickey groaned one morning in the middle of November. The winter wind whipped against the windows, and Mickey shivered as the warmth, that had been wrapped around his back, moved to get out of bed. "Ey, get your ass back here man. It's too fucking cold to run; you can skip one morning." Ian chuckled, his voice deep and sleep mussed as he continued to crawl out of bed. Ian never missed his morning run. He told Mickey that it cleared his head, and kept his body in shape. The doctor told him that the medications might bloat him up a little, but if he kept up a regular exercise routine, he probably wouldn't notice it. Ian was too proud of his body to get fat, and so he kept to a healthy diet and his morning run. Ian kissed his grumbling boyfriend on the head and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. "Only doing six miles today. I'll be back in an hour." Mickey grumbled again and pulled the blanket over his head. He was asleep again before Ian started to get dressed.

Mickey woke up a few hours later to the sunshine in his eyes; cursing Ian under his breath for not closing the shades, Mickey buried his head in the pillow. And then he raised his head again with a furrowed brow, because Ian wasn't in bed beside him. Ian always took a quick shower after his run and crawled back in bed with Mickey. But, Ian wasn't there and Mickey was quickly on red alert. He sat up and pulled on a shirt and boxers before making his way out of the room. He found Mandy and Svetlana sitting at the table having breakfast; the kid sat in his high chair slobbering all over his cheerios. "Hey, Where's Ian?" Both women looked at each other and then back to Mickey. "I thought he was still in bed with you." Mandy said. Mickey pulled a cigarette from the pack laying on the table and lit it, trying to still his shaking hands.

"I woke up earlier when he left for his run. It looks like he never came back to bed. How long have you guys been up?" Mickey looked at the clock on the wall that said it was just after nine. "I just got up, but your wife was already up." Mickey raised his eye brows at the other woman. "I woke up two hour ago. Baby crying wouldn't sleep anymore." Mickey sat down at the table and snatched up Mandy's cell phone, dialing Ian's cell phone. "Shit" Mickey spat, when his call went to voice mail. He dialed again, and again with the same result. "Goddammit, Ian. Where the fuck are you?" Mickey yelled into the voice mail, "You never came back from your run. You need to call me back right fucking now!" Mickey ended the call and set the phone down on the table. Both women stayed quiet as Mickey fidgeted. His knee bounced up and down, shaking his whole body. When the phone rang Mickey snatched the phone up and answered before looking at the caller ID.

"Hello? Ian?"

"Naw, this ain't Ian. Where the fuck Mandy at?" It was Kenyada.

"Fuck off" Mickey said, before ending the call.

"I thought you were done with that piece of shit," Mickey said to his sister's raised eyebrows. She just rolled her eyes and continued to eat her cereal. "I keep telling him to fuck off, but he won't take the hint."

An hour later Ian still hadn't called, and Mickey was freaking out. He called the Gallagher house, and the Kash and Grab, but nobody had seen him. Of course the Gallagher brood was used to this sort of thing with frank, so they each set off to scour the city to find their brother. Mickey checked the Alibi, and even drove the rout that Ian usually ran in the morning. He was nowhere to be found. Two hours later Mickey stood in the middle of the Gallagher house. Fiona was ranting about him running alone in the mornings, Debbie was crying, Lip sat in the corner, at the table, chain smoking and glaring at Mickey. "I don't know what your fucking problem is, but this isn't my fault. Ian runs every fucking morning. By himself. I don't know where he is. So get that fucking look off your face." Lip rolled his eyes and lit another cigarette.

Mandy was suddenly beside him; a hand on his shoulder. "Mick, um...I don't want to piss you off but..." Mickey raised his eyebrows at his sister. "Just spit it out, Mandy!" he shouted, not in the mood for her shit. "Well, you and Ian were together for a long time before anyone even knew. You had to have met somewhere that nobody knew about. Have you checked those places?" Mickey thought about it for a second. "I've already called Linda at the store, and she hasn't seen him. I drove by the dugout earlier and he wasn't there either. I don't know where else he would..." Mickey blinked.

"What?" Lip asked. "You know where he is?"

_Of course_, Mickey thought. Of course Ian would go there.

"Yeah," Mickey almost whispered. "I know where he is."

"Well then lets go get him," Lip said, as he stood and started to put is coat on.

"No," Mickey shook his head. It was going to piss the Gallagher's off, but Mickey wanted to go alone. "I'll go get him and bring him back here, but I need to go alone."

"What the fuck? Why?" Lip, sneered. "Ian is our brother. I don't care if you guys are fucking living together. I want to know where the fuck he is!"

"Alright, alright," Fiona cut in, trying to stop a bad situation from getting worse. "Mickey, if you know where Ian is, then you need to go get him. Take my phone and call Lip as soon as you know he's there."

Mickey nodded and turned to grab his coat.

"This is fucking bullshit!" Lip started ranting again, "We have a brother who is bipolar and he could be doing fuck knows what, and just because he's fucking Mickey on a regular basis, HE gets to make the decisions?"

Mickey flipped Lip the bird as he walked out the door. Family or not, he and Lip would never like each other.

It only took about ten minutes to drive to where Mickey knew Ian would be. His heart pounded as he made the trek up the final stair case to the roof. The fear and panic Mickey had been holding in all morning finally gave way to relief as he spotted Ian. He was sitting, legs folded, on the pile of tires that were part of his makeshift training course. Quickly he pulled out the phone and sent a message to Lip.

_Found him. He's fine. _

Ian didn't flinch or even look up as Mickey sat down next to him. It was obvious that the redhead had been crying. As Mickey looked around at all the obstacles that Ian had built, he understood why Ian would be sad. Ian had worked his ass off for years. He trained his body and mind, so that one day he could serve in the military. And now all of those dreams were gone. Granted it hadn't been such a good idea to steal his brother's identity, and he knew they would eventually catch him. But, in the off chance that they hadn't found out he wasn't Lip Gallagher, the disease plaguing his mind would have caught up to him.

"Just so you know, there is a whole clan of Gallaghers, and another Milkovich at home, just waiting to kick your ass."

Ian chuckled once and cracked a small smile, but he didn't look up. Mickey sighed and pulled his cigarettes from his coat pocket and lit one before speaking again.

"So, wanna tell me how you left for your morning run and ended up here?"

Ian said nothing for a long moment, and then he took a deep breath and raised his eyes to look at Mickey. "I guess I just...was remembering. For so long my mind was running a mile a minute. I had so many thoughts in my head that I couldn't keep up. I think during that time I was just trying to forget."

"Forget what?"

"Everything. The image of Monica sitting on the floor at Thanksgiving, bleeding from the wrists that she slit. Frank stumbling drunk every fucking day, or the two times that he broke my fucking nose. The three years that I trained, and studied with Lip, so that I could make something of myself in the military; only to fuck it all up."

In his mind, Ian thought about his relationship with Mickey too. The stress of being in love with someone who refused to admit they were together. Or the fact that he had to watch the person he loved, being raped right in front of him; it was too much. Ian was pretty sure a part of his mind fractured in that moment. The look on Mickey's face will haunt him until the day he dies. But Ian would never say any of that to Mickey. They were finally together and Ian refused to lose him again.

"Just everything. What am I supposed to do with my life now? I have you, and my family and I love you all, but I just feel like I'm searching for a purpose. I don't want to be one of those people who sit at home collecting a disability check because of my condition. I need my life to mean something. But I have no high school diploma and I work at a shitty hole in the wall convenience store in the south side of Chicago."

Mickey took all of that in, and sighed. "that's some pretty heavy stuff to be thinking about at the ass crack of dawn, fire-crotch." Ian laughed. Really laughed. And it felt good. He reached over and pushed Mickey's shoulder, before stealing his cigarette from his hand. "Ey, give it back. Your on the 'my body is a temple' shit, no more smoking for you." Mickey snatched the cigarette back and smiled.

It was the middle of November, and Mickey was about to freeze his balls off. "Come on," Mickey said, standing up. "It's fucking freezing. I drove here, so lets go sit in the car so we can at least have some heat."

"You know," Mickey said, as the heater slowly kicked in, "I never told you this, and if you ever tell anyone I said this, I'll kick you out of my house." Ian smiled, "Back when we first started this whole thing...one of the reasons I never wanted to admit to myself that we were together, or that I might feel something for you, is because I knew you were too good for me." Ian raised his eyebrows at Mickey, a little shocked. "You were always running around training or studying, and even though your dad is a piece of shit and your mom is crazy, you always had this stupid little smile on your face."

"And, no matter how shitty I was to you, you never gave up on me. I could never understand how you always had so much love for everyone. It didn't matter how bad things got, or how badly someone treated you. It's always been in your nature to forgive, and see the good in people. God knows I don't deserve you, after everything I've put you through. But here we are."

Mickey stopped to rub his tired eyes. "Christ, look what you've done to me. That is probably the gayest thing I have ever said." Ian laughed, deep and muted, but Mickey could tell that it was real.

"That point is, your Ian fucking Gallagher. You don't give up. Your bipolar. So fucking what! Your military career is over. So, now it's time to find a new dream. You don't have a high school diploma. So you go down and take your GED. We live in the south side of Chicago, man. One of the poorest cities in America. If you want to make something of yourself, you have to go out and make it happen. Find something your interested in and make it happen. Or you go to collage. I'm not going to let you give up. You have about 200 Gallagher's, 2 Milkovich's, a Russian whore, and a baby all standing behind you."

This time Ian's laugh was a full on belly laugh. Mickey couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. Ian's smile was beautiful, and so was he. For a split second Mickey thought about leaning over to kiss him...but before he could the phone started buzzing in his pocket. Mickey sighed.

"That's going to be your brother. He's not happy with me." He pulled the phone from his pocket and tapped on the text.

_Where the fuck are you guys? _

_You better not be fucking, we're all waiting over here._

Mickey rolled his eyes, and typed back.

_Fuck off. We'll get there when we get there._

"Your brother is a giant douche bag, I hope you know that." Ian just smiled and shook his head, and then he was leaning forward to press his lips to Mickey's. It was soft and sweet and only lasted a few seconds. When it was over Ian pressed his forehead to Mickey's and smiled. "Thanks, Mick."

"Anytime, fire-crotch," Mickey smiled. "Hey, the search party is gathered at your house, which means that my house is empty. How bout we make them wait a while longer and see loud I can make you scream?"

Ian laughed again, and pressed another kiss to Mickey's mouth.

"Deal."

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Let me know what you think?


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